Spare the rod, spoil the child

"He who spares the rod hates his son,

but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Proverbs 13:24 (New International Version)

When it comes to discipline, there are two different views.  One view is "violence breeds violence" so you don't hit a child.  Now this is true.  When my father was violent with me, I became violent with him and tried to fight back.  I also became violent with others.

The other camp is that children need discipline.  Proverbs 22:15 states that "Folly is bound up in a heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (New International Version) Folly is a Biblical word for foolishness.  From the adult perspective, children can act pretty foolish at times.

So to understand the difference from abuse and discipline, let's take a look at what discipline is.  Discipline means "to teach".  Punishment is exactly that.  A child is being punished for what they did.  So which makes more sense: to punish a child for doing wrong or teach the child what they did wrong so they will not repeat it.

Also, a child needs positive touches also.  Hugs. A pat on the back.  A high-five.  If you ever see a child flinch when someone goes to touch them, that could be a "red flag" that something isn't right with that relationship.  If a child receives positive touches, then when they are being disciplined they know they are still loved.  After the act of discipline, talk with the child to make sure they understand what they did wrong and why they were disciplined (why you didn't approve of what they did and what you prefer them to do right).

Abuse is when marks are left on the body.  Parents use many ways to abuse children.  Flyswatters leave marks.  Cigarettes.  If you see a perfect round mark on a child the size of a cigarette (again a "red flag").  Parents have sat their child in scalding water or their feet.

Abuse just isn't physical.  There is also verbal abuse, mental abuse and neglect.  These last three are harder to prove.  The following poster shows what is left behind in a child if the child survives the abuse.

When we were kids we used the little rhyme:  "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me".  WRONG!!!!  Names do hurt and leave emotional scars.